I gazed around the temple after a distinct stillness, disturbed only by the sound of quiet sobbing, which had taken over the proceedings. The silence that now pervaded the room stood in stark contrast to the noisy joy that had filled the shul when guests first began arriving.

I looked down at the two printouts that someone from Temple Beth El of Bangor, Maine had just handed out at the bat mitzvah of Raechel Segal, daughter of my cousin, Debbie Rogers. One was a to-be-expected sheet called “Bar/Bat Mitzvah: Its Meaning and Customs.”

The other was not so expected: it was a “Page of Testimony” from Yad Vashem about a 12-year-old girl named Rochele Najman who had the misfortune of being born in Poland in 1931. In an ice cold field that asked in clinical, bureaucratic language to list her “Circumstances of Death,” the answer was hand-printed clearly, concisely, and stoically: “Murdered 3 Nov. 1943 Poniatowo Poland.” And there, to the right, the same thing was written in Yiddish, in handwritten Hebrew characters. The whole thing was jolting to those who were expecting nothing more than a “freyliche simcha.”

“The trope of remembrance runs through all things Jewish. When we break the glass at weddings, we are remembering — even on such joyous occasions — the destruction of the Temple,” explained Rogers.

“Raechel’s bat mitzvah was joyous, marked by music, partying and celebration.”

Raechel Rogers Segal read from a Holocaust Torah (a 200-year-old Torah from Czechoslovakia that had been saved from German destruction) and she twinned with a Holocaust victim as an act of remembrance.

“Jews always temper joy and sweetness by remembering sadness,” said her mother.

Yad Vashem has a website and study guide, among many other things, that are key in terms of understanding the powerful message inherent in their ‘Twinning Project.’ In an opening statement for the bar/bat mitzvah, Yad Vashem notes that “It is difficult to remember those who perished in the Holocaust not as numbers, but as real people; people with a family, a community, friends, with likes and dislikes, goals and aspirations.

By ‘twinning’ with a chil murdered during the Holocaust and learning about him or her, you are helping keep his or her memory alive. We hope that you will think of your ‘twin’ on your bar/bat mitzvah.”

People generally find a ‘twin’ that their child can most identify with. This could be a child with the same or similar name or birthday as the celebrating child, or a boy or girl who came from the same region that today’s youngster’s family originated from.

For example, Raechel and Rochele obviously derive from the same Biblical Hebrew name, Rachel. The bar/bat mitzvah child can use the Page of Testimony to learn about the history of the youngster he or she is commemorating. There are a staggering number of victims on the site, many of them accompanied by haunting photos on identity cards, with equally staggering amounts of information on them with regard to family, locale, schools attended, occupations held, and other types of personal biography.

While writing this piece, I unfortunately began to think of something that happened at this year’s Oscars, of all things. A popular though not-terribly-funny British comedian got up there, cracked wise for a minute or two, and then looked down at Kate Winslet and said something like “Kate, I told you all you had to do was make a Holocaust film and you’d win the Oscar.” I was very angry at first but then began to wonder if we Jews somehow trivialize the incomprehensible magnitude of the Holocaust by bringing it up “too often,” or in places where it could be argued that it was simply inappropriate. Some people may object to having a bar or bat mitzvah child twin with a child whose life was cut short by history.

But I got my answer when I remembered Howard Segal’s (Raechel’s father) statement, and most importantly, Raechel’s own words at her bat mitzvah. Segal said to his daughter, “You have a big heart and care deeply about others, be they classmates or teammates or anyone you know who is dealing with illness or other challenges. I know how moved you were by being able to be paired with and share your simcha with Rochele Najman, a Holocaust victim who didn’t live to have a bat mitzvah.”

And Raechel said it best when she remarked “But there are a few people who are not here today whom I would like to shine the spotlight on. Rochele Najman, my Holocaust twin, was murdered November 3, 1943 in Poland at 12 years old, before her bat mitzvah. That is why my bat mitzvah is in honor of Rochele, who died before the chance to have a life.”

Rochele was acknowledged throughout the service, during the program for the service, in the parents’ talk to Raechel, in her D’var Torah and in the thank you talk.

“It was distressing that we were unable, ourselves, to learn more about Rochele Najman,” said Deborah Rogers. “All we know is that she was murdered in Poland when she was 12.  It is as if she has already disappeared from memory but for the brief moment she was twinned.”

Deborah Rogers said that the family had no say in how Rochele was chosen. She was assigned to Raechel. The similarity in their names and the family’s connection to Poland were key in how this was assigned. Deborah Rogers’ grandfather came from a village in Poland called Zaramin, while nana (“Rae”, as she came to be known, short for Rachel) came from a village in Poland called Yadrovo. 

“I wanted to invite her family,” Raechel said. “But our attempts to contact them through her brother, who had registered her with Yad Vashem, failed.  My expression of memory was combined with mourning.  We all say the Mourners’ Kaddish in my shul, and I made sure Rochele was included, so the whole congregation was saying Kaddish for this girl who died before her bat mitzvah.”